I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
