Only a mothe r could love this liver
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
