You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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