They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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