i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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