I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
