I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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