You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
