i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
