I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
