I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
