Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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