Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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