yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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