foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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