he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You left your phone here
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