so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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