Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't put those talents on a resume
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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