just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
