I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
