and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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