if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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