I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
