I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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