drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
