Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
