Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
