wanna go halves on a baby?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
