my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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