remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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