i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
