I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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