I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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