Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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