my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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