she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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