Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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