He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
