Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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