I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
