Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sorry about my life...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
