I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
