Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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