Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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