You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
