margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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