i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
