Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
