We need to rekindle our bromance
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize