the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
