Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
