Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
