No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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