he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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