think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
