here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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