what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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