Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
