8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize