Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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