No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
