So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
