dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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