Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
