nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
