He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
