Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
